How you can build a life you truly want

Have you ever stopped to consider that everything around you, from the clothes you are wearing to the screen you're reading this on, was once just an idea in someones head? Almost every physical object that surrounds us nowadays was once a thought. Just a spark of imagination, before it was brought into existence.

This is the natural process of creation, the way we humans create the world we live in.
We put our thoughts into reality.

This fact begs a question - what if our lives are that way too? What if you and your life are the way they are just because you imagine it? Sounds far off?

Well, if you take a moment to ponder this, you'll realize that the sheer volume of interactions we have and the multitude of thoughts and impulses we experience every day is absolutely staggering. The countless people around us, each with their own set of expectations, ideas and demands - it's a lot to process and react to next to your own thought-process going on.

It is clear that what you think about who you are or how you should be influences how you react to all these internal and external impulses. Your impulses to act are based on nothing but your thoughts and emotions that are connected to your thoughts. Your reaction to these impulses are what is creating your actions and your situation.

This makes sense, no?

If you thought you were Elon Musk and needed to bring people to Mars you'd probably be doing different things than you are now, talking to people differently and reacting to your own emotions differently.

But you're not Elon Musk. You are you and probably want to change but not entirely become a different person. Psychology explains why: As a social animal, you are meant to have a consistent personality so you don't suddenly treat your friends like the potatoes in your cellar after a restful nights sleep.

Why you act how you act: Saying yes and no to impulses

So, to stay on track and maintain stability in our lives, we often find ourselves saying 'no' to most of these requests from the outside and impulses from within.

Why?

This 'no' is a crucial part of maintaining stability in the bigger picture of our lives. Imagine if you suddenly started saying 'yes' to every single request or impulse. Your life would be unrecognizable in a week, let alone a year. You might even find yourself living under a bridge, caught in the throes of addiction just because this one random dude offered you some crack. We, the authors, would find ourselves punching people far more often than it is socially accepted. We would also have a really hard time doing literally anything that relies on long-term engagement. Saying 'no' to short-sighted impulses is essential to that.

The benefit of this is clear: We are incredibly skilled at maintaining a consistent experience of our lives and rather consistent life situations by patterning our responses to various impulses and influences. Saying 'no' is a defining factor in our lives, it's what saves us from spiraling into chaos. On the other hand, a 'yes' is an 'infinite no' because saying yes to reading this text means you just said no to the endless amount of other things you could be doing. That's a lot of 'no' and that's good!

The downside, however, is that this same ability to stay consistent can be a barrier when it comes to changing ourselves and our lives. Saying 'no' to new influences - internally or externally - is also what keeps us stuck in the same bullshit rut we've been in and we really don't want to be in! Suddenly, it becomes a disability.

This brings us to the heart of the matter. The intuitive 'yeses' and 'noes' you run with (consciously or not) are what is making your life the way it is. Not more, not less. And that has some profound implications:
Changing your life is simpler than you might think. To create a new and different life, all you need to do is reconfigure the things you say 'yes' and 'no' to and actually follow through. (See creative aggression article)

Oftentimes we are hesitant to change our life and behavior because we feel like it will cost us a lot of energy if we had the lifestyle that we truly want. That is not the case at all. In fact, you would be much more energized and happy if you lived a life that you really want. The "mental energy" that you feel like you need to leave your comfort zone is a purely emotional resistance that your primitive and conditioned brain puts up to new decisions. Overcoming this initial resistance actually requires much less energy than you spend every day keeping yourself on the tracks of social conditioning. Changing your life does not require more energy as maintaining your current life. The difference lies in the choices you make and the results you thus get. Not in the amount of stress, duress or energy needed.

It really is that simple to change your life

I know this whole idea sounds a bit too basic but honestly, look for yourself:

If you configured what things you say 'yes' or 'no' to to be exactly like the potential future you that is living a better life would be saying 'yes' or 'no' to things... do you believe your life would change into that direction?

If you don't, let me suggest something a bit uncomfortable:

It seems you just don't believe in your own power to really change things or you believe you can't truly choose what you say 'yes' or 'no' to. Could that be true?

If it is, that will make it very hard to change anything, so you might want to read our article on creative aggression because you obviously have not experienced this power in yourself or your life yet.

If you do believe it:

Start by imagining the life you want. Get really clear on a few things that this imagined life entails - what are the things you're saying 'yes' to? What are the things you're saying 'no' to? Compare this to your current life and identify the discrepancies. Make a little list!

CALL TO ACTION

Assess your responses, your 'yes' and 'no' choices and look at the biggest discrepancies. This exercise will show a simple path to creating the life you desire: A path forged by your own imagination of the future instead of being a repetition of the past. The power to change your life lies in your hands, all you need to do is make the choice to do so.

Choose what your new 'yeses' and your 'nos' are and follow through.
For starters just take three things to shift your responses to. Then shift them.
It really is that simple!
Try it.

About us:

We, Kain and Leo, are living a quitters life. We have chosen to go our own way and want to help you find yours. If you want help on your journey, contact us start@quitters.life and put “I’M IN, I WANT TO COMMIT” at the top of your message.

And honestly, we are not interested in you singing up/writing us personally if you are not committed to creating a different life.