The key to having what you want

One of the worst things that our socialization is does to you is making you think you NEED to know what to do, how to do it right and have a great plan about what will happen before doing something.

Yeah. You read that right.

If you want to create your own life you explicitly need to trust that wanting and doing things you don't know much about yet is the way to go. Leaving your comfort zone and moving into the unknown is necessary. You can't learn and do new things and already know the best way to do something you have not done before.

How it starts: The sickness

Our socialization system pushes you through school. School teaches you to obey the rules and to do what you know how and why to do it.

But living a life you truly like requires you to trust your imagination. Only there you can find what might be fun to create in life. This often goes against all of the conditioned parts of you (the voices in your head) telling you why that's dumb and impossible or might be too painful and dangerous to bear.

​​​​Aggression: The cure

This is where Creative Aggression comes in. It's a form of psychological energy that is rooted in the desire to get in contact with the world; to take what's inside of you and put it in the world. It's the force behind creativity, this desire to create art, too, albeit more subtle.

It is the energy that drives you to say, create, do anything that requires you to interact with the world.

Let's look at aggression through example situations and different possible outcomes depending on your relationship towards creative aggression

First example: Personal relationships

Your partner is trying to make you responsible for making her feel bad but somewhere you know that it's just not your responsibility to deal with how she sees this situation

• First option - suppressing aggression: You take the responsibility to you, agree that your behaviour was bad and try to soothe her stress that she is making yours

• Second option - following aggression: You allow yourself to make clear that you don't take responsibility for others feelings, especially if she is going to be trying to use that to make you feel bad about yourself.

• Maybe you even allow yourself to go a step further: You tell her that you really appreciate her and would like to have a relationship where everyone takes responsibility for their own feelings, whilst also creating agreements instead of having secret expectations of each other so you can truly create a relationship that both you like!

What's aggressive about this? You are using your energy as power to define and lead the conversation instead of subjecting yourself to the common idea that you should feel bad when others feel bad . Imagine her impulse of blame towards you like a baseball flying at you: you hit that thing out of the court instead of catching it or taking it to the face.

You took the initiative to define how your relationship will be working from now on. That's you overriding your partners initial impulse and maybe even her idea of how relationships are supposed to work. Instead, you put your version of how relationships should work right in there. Aggression is what is behind the power to do that.

Second example: Getting to action

You're at home and feeling kinda lonely. "What to do in this boring existence?"

• First option - suppressing aggression: you get you phone out and scroll social media

• Second option - flowing aggression: you CALL your friends one after the other until someone has time to talk or even hang out

• Extra option: Maybe you even allow yourself to go a step further: you choose to invite fucking everyone you know to a party in town that you are organizing in this awesome venue - because you actually could do that any time, you know?

What's aggressive about this? Usually you would do the low emotional risk, low energy investment thing: gluing your head to a screen. Now you use your aggression to do something else. You gather up the energy to call your friends, risking the small moment of rejection you might feel when they don't pick up or block the call, or tell you they don't have time. Calling them and "demanding" their attention to either talk to you or respond faster than with just a text might be something you are usually afraid to do. You are using you aggression to overcome that fear. You chose to use your energy to define a whole groups experience and what they will be putting their time and energy in this weekend. You are creating a new reality to live into that didn't exist for these people before you decided to create this opportunity for them.

Third example: Starting projects that you are passionate about

You go hiking for a weekend and realize that you would absolutely love organizing hikes and longer trips into nature in your home town

• First option (suppressing aggression): You wake up on Monday and feel the existential dread of going through the motions of a job that is meaningless to you. You go home and think of your weekend dream of organizing hikes. "Oh well, I can't make money with that anyway and who would want a partner with an unstable job like that. Maybe I'll do that sometime in future." And you suffocate your dream in it's sleep.

• Second option (following aggression): You get home after that meaningless Job and laugh at how ridiculous that was. You decide to start the "hikes for friends" project and start organizing a hike for your friends next week just like that. Then you take 10 min to create a Facebook and Instagram page. You post about your upcoming project and just upload a few pictures of your first event.

• Taking it even further: Instead of doing the semi professional thing you do the cheapest but professional thing and buy a domain for 20 bucks a year. Then you pay one of those awesome and price-worthy Pakistani web-developers on Fiverr 20 bucks for a website that you host on Hostinger for 40 bucks a year. You ask your copywriter friend if he could show you how to do basic copy writing and create the landing page together after the dinner you invited him on. A few hours and a 100 bucks later you have literally created a side business and plan on spending 3 hours each week, a half an hour a day, in getting this going.

What's aggressive about this? Usually you would bury your dream and ignore that impulse that is trying to shape your reality to your desires. Now you use your aggression to follow your impulse and create a first event similar to what you want to be doing for cash in the future. Then you went even further and invested more of your energy and money in creating that website and a public face of your future multi million travel business.

Creative aggression is the bridge from the now to your future

Your ability to change your way of being, feeling and acting is directly correlated with your ability to mobilize creative aggression.
This means that your ability to change your life is directly dependent on how freely your creative aggression flows.
Taking a new action, taking a new path requires you to mentally move from a place you know to a new place you don't know. There is a gap between where, how and who you are now and where, how and who you want to be. This gap is closed by the energy of creative aggression.
You need this energy to create a life that is suited to you and not geared towards what the world wants you to want.
Go get it before your conditioned thoughts talk you out of it!

Then something rather interesting happens

Reclaiming who you want to be

What's this true self all about? Is there such a thing?
Probably not. And that's a good thing. You don't need to know who you really are. Instead of trying to find this elusive "true self" you could just be true to yourself:
There are impulses within you that you suppress instead of following them in some sensible way.
Often unconsciously, sometimes consciously. Sometimes there is a good reason too. You might not wanna punch your boss after all. But you're paying a big cost if you don't see the deeper meaning behind wanting to do that: You really don't want to be treated by your boss in such a way. And ignoring the whole impulse to punch him will keep you from changing that impulse into e.g. sharing with your boss that usually feel like he is a good leader and yet right now you are seriously uncomfortable with the way he is communicating with you and would appreciate a change very much.

Trust your impulses more

What if this first impulse is simply what you truly want on a very basic level?
What if all thoughts and mental energy after that initial thought and impulse arises is literally the stuff that every personal block and feeling of stuckness comes from?

Instead of using your mental energy to block and resist you could use it to facilitate.
There are hundreds of ways to deal with a single impulse and thought.
You only need to find a single one that you like.
You are surely able to do that.

You don't need to find your true self. You don't need to have the greatest vision and plan for life that you want to be. You just need to be honest with what's happening now and follow up on your wishes, impulses and desires. Aggressively and not destructively ;)

What if it really was that simple?
Take your chance to find out

CALL TO ACTION

The experiment we suggest for you to learn this for yourself is to focus on recovering your aggression for a whole week (two if you are really feeling it) by doing the following

• Doing aggressive things analogous to the examples in the first part of this text

• Whenever you have a thought, follow through on it. Don't let your other thoughts tell you how "stupid and unreasonable" that first thought there was and you are better off just acting the same way as usual.

• Extra challenge: Do martial arts or strength building that brings you to the limit of what your body is able to do and push hard against that limit. The more you allow yourself to feel that aggression within you at that limit-pushing point, the further you can go. It's been proven multiple times and it's a great experience to integrate into your life.

About us:

We, Kain and Leo, are living a quitters life. We have chosen to go our own way and want to help you find yours. If you want help on your journey, contact us start@quitters.life and put “I’M IN, I WANT TO COMMIT” at the top of your message.

And honestly, we are not interested in you singing up/writing us personally if you are not committed to creating a different life.